"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" - Romans 12:12
how am i supposed to get a boyfriend i cant even get anons
Some background: The Mount was not my first choice. But it was God’s, so that’s where I ended up. More than anything, I wanted to go to Franciscan University of Steubenville, but it was not God’s plan for me.
When I arrived at school, I met my roommates (M and E). They were so incredible and faith filled and just… wonderful. They were amazing friends, and pushed me to be the best version of me. But, our living styles clashed. My two roommates have the skill of being really, really clean. I, however, do not. So, that lead to a lot of anxiety and conflict in our room, and it was hard for me to deal with. I felt like the worst roommate ever, and so, so guilty. It really effected my mood and our relationships. Spring semester, I watched as my two roommates grew so, so, so close to each other, and it killed me. Don’t get me wrong, I love their relationship. They are so close to each other, but more than anything, I wanted to be included in that relationship, and it made me really, really sad that I wasn’t.
When I arrived at school, four of us naturally formed a group. It was one of my roommates (M), and two other girls (F and R), who were really fantastic. I was so thankful to have such a close knit group of friends. At the end of first semester, my other roommate (E) began to hang out with us, which really thrilled me, because I invited her to spend time with us a whole lot.
At the beginning of second semester, one of my friends (F) asked if she could talk to me alone. I knew what was coming. I had been asking about rooming for the past few weeks, and they had been telling me it was too early. I had a feeling that that wasn’t really the case. Turns out I was right. Tearfully, F told me that she, R and E had decided to get a triple next year. I was completely devastated. I cried for a good hour or so that night, and stayed in bed the whole next day. I tried to give the brave face, say “Oh, it’s fine. I don’t care.” but I couldn’t. I really hurt. In all honesty, whenever I think about it, I still feel so sad. At that time, I was scared that the three of them would become super close, and forget about me. I’m still scared about that. Every once in a while, one of them will say how the three of them are rooming together, and I have to look away as to hide how sad it makes me feel. I feel like it’s harder to relate to them, and it’s really hard.
That was the beginning of the hardest five months of my life. My depression was AWFUL, and I felt like I couldn’t trust anybody or talk to anyone. I spent most of my time holed up in my dorm, laying in bed or watching Netflix. I felt like my four best friends were growing so close to each other, and I was just watching it happen. It was really, really tough.
Because I felt this awful, my grades were just as awful. I had to withdraw from a class because I failed two of my three exams and had no idea how to improve. I almost failed Spanish, even though I knew a lot of the stuff and had done wonderfully first semester. I recently got my grades back, and it wasn’t pretty. However, I’m just happy I made it through and passed everything.
There were countless nights when I spent my time on the computer, looking at colleges and their transfer applications. Even though I had made amazing friends and memories at my school, the bad times were so bad and frequent that it seemed like everything was going wrong.
This past year was probably the most difficult year I’ve ever had. It was so challenging, academically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. But it also made me realize how strong I am. I did it. I made it through. I also realized how NOT alone I am. There are people at home, at school and online who have been an incredible shoulder to cry on when I feel like I’m a useless waste of space. I’ve had friends texting and calling me to make sure I’m okay, and a sister who stayed up all night, just listening as I sobbed. My mom even drove 300 miles to see me.
I’m so thankful for this year and all the lessons I learned. I learned that the true friends don’t care if you’re depressed, and they’re not going to think you’re screwed up. I learned that you don’t have to be best friends with everyone, and it’s okay to be angry at people. Friendships are going to end, and that’s okay. It’s all a part of His divine plan.
So… yeah. That was my freshman year. In some ways, it sucked, but in other ways, it was the best freshman year I could ask for. I found some of the best friends I could ever asked for and learned that sometimes, people aren’t going to be there for you. But God always will point you to someone who is willing to be a friend.
Here’s to having a Sophomore year that teaches me just as much!
I didn’t choose the fandom life,
the fandom life grabbed and chloroformed me on the way from school and dragged my unconscious body to it’s basement.
- 1: What would you name your future daughter?
- 2: Do you miss anyone?
- 3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
- 4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
- 5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
- 6: Did you go out or stay in last night?
- 7: How late did you stay up last night?
- 8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
- 9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
- 10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
- 11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
- 12: Have you pretended to like someone?
- 13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
- 14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
- 15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
- 16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
- 17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
- 18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
- 19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
- 20: Who did you last see in person?
- 21: What is the last thing you said out lot?
- 22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
- 23: Have you ever been to Paris?
- 24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- 25: Do you use chap stick?
- 26: Who did you last share a bed with?
- 27: Are you listening to music right now?
- 28: What is something you currently want right now?
- 29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
- 30: How is your heart lately?
- 31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
- 32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
- 33: What do people call you?
- 34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
- 35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
- 36: What are you listening to right now?
- 37: What is wrong with you right now?
- 38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
- 39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
- 40: What is on your wrists right now?
- 41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?
- 42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
- 43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
- 44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
- 45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
- 46: What were you doing at midnight last night?
- 47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
- 48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
- 49: Have you ever been to New York?
- 50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
people dont get it
really simple tasks can become huge impossibilities for me
some days i have trouble getting dressed and leaving my room
i am not a functioning person
depression isn’t always crying on the floor - tho that happens sometimes
sometimes its just not being able to do anything at all
wish i was witty and cute but instead im sarcastic and annoying
no
no no
no no
no no no
no no
no no
nothe circle of life
I hate myself but I still think I’m better than everybody else
I hate people but I’d love to be in a relationship
I love food but I don’t want to get fat
I want money but dont want a job
look it’s my entire life in a post
i want to be fit but i’m too lazy to work out
thinking about my future makes me want to throw up
When you wanna text someone but you don’t wanna feel like you’re bother them or annoying them is the worst
It either takes me 5 months to read a book or I read five of them in 2 days. There is no inbetween.
whenever anyone draws anything for me i just
